Everyone has one: A widely popular movie he or she hasn’t seen. Admitting it typically brings on the “WHAT? ARE YOU SERIOUS? YOU HAVEN’T SEEN THAT?” response. It’s annoying. And I say that as someone who’s blurted that out myself. However, I’ve reformed and no longer do that. That’s probably because I have my own baggage in this area. As do the other staffers here at The AP Party.
The subject of movies we haven’t seen came up during one of our weekly e-mail threads, specifically after Tim Livingston wrote his piece on National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation, and I confessed that I hadn’t seen it. That soon prompted an admission from Reva Friedel. And so, the idea of a group post was born. We each had something to confess. Maybe it was therapeutic. Maybe we considered that e-mail thread a safe place. But we’re stepping outside, into the light, to admit our movie blind spots to you, our readers.
So here we go, admitting to movies we haven’t seen that people assume everyone has seen. Go easy on us. This wasn’t easy. I hope you’ll join me in applauding our writers’ courage. And if it helps you, unburden yourself with your own confessions in the comments. This is a safe place. We won’t judge you. Out loud or in type, that is.
The Goonies: I don’t remember WHY I never watched this movie while growing up, but I just never did. Now, when I tell people this, I get looks like I’m crazy. One of my best friends even bought me the DVD for my birthday back in May, but I haven’t been able to bring myself to watch it. Why? Because everyone is all, “OMG GOONIES IS THE BEST MOVIE EVER, HOW CAN YOU NOT HAVE SEEN IT?” So if I watch it and disagree, I’d probably feel worse than just continuing to say I’ve never seen it.
It’s a Wonderful Life: Considering this is one of the most popular holiday movies ever, I’m surprised my family never sat down and watched it together. In general, I am not a fan of older movies — I have only seen a handful, Psycho being one of them, so I never had the desire to watch this movie when the holidays came around. I would watch other movies like Labyrinth (a tradition at my grandparents, even though it’s not a holiday movie) and Home Alone.
Titanic: I’ve seen quite an extensive amount of movies but Titanic and me just wasn’t meant to be. First, as a 14-year-old when the movie came out in 1997, the inescapable buzz from all corners was how hot Leonardo DiCaprio was. I probably hated Leo until Catch Me If You Can just because any girl I had a thing for was too busy hosting a slumber party watching Titanic for the 50th time rather than going to see Armageddon with me, with my mom chauffeuring.
Then there is Celine Dion and that dreadful song that was number one for most of the year. I stomached and even liked some of the boy bands and other teen-pop crap back then, but even mentioning Celine Dion sends a chill up my spine today. Some friends of mine saw the film and told me they walked out and that sealed it.
Over time, I’ve grown to appreciate James Cameron’s works but three hours-plus when I already know the broad strokes and seen bits and pieces equates to a pretty firm stance that I’m never going to watch this thing from start to finish.
If anyone who loves sports fails to see one of the more notable sports movies of a given year, it should register as a surprise.
I didn’t see Jerry Maguire in 1996, and I haven’t seen it since.
The story isn’t elaborate at all, but it’s certainly memorable: My parents and grandmother, seated next to me in the theater, walked out under 30 minutes in. I never walk out on movies, and I didn’t exactly want to leave. However, what I had seen in the first 25 minutes did not convey to me the impression that I was going to miss something memorable and gripping.
I never had the inclination to see what it was all about.
Inception: It’s funny with all the criticism of Interstellar that Chris Nolan might have been overexposed to the point where he’s now not as good as we thought he was. But maybe that makes me the first #NolanHater ever, since I never had any inclination to see Inception. There are a few movies that will be weird on this list to a lot of people, but Inception? Critically acclaimed? Boatloads of money at the box office? How could you miss that?
Well, I have. And I’m sure it’ll come up on Netflix at some point and I’ll watch it and I’ll be wowed by it or what have you, but I’m not rushing out to watch it. Not that I think it would be a bad movie by any means. Quite the contrary. It’s not that high a priority on my list. But then again, maybe if I keep hearing that horn and spinning tops I’ll be drawn to it somehow?
Spirited Away: This is a total blind spot for me. I’ve seen Howl’s Moving Castle half a dozen times at least. I loved Princess Mononoke. On the anime spectrum, I think Akira stands up as not just one of the great works of animation ever, but one of the greatest film achievements ever. I really have no excuse to have not seen this movie before.
A lot of that is availability. I’ve become such a Netflix guy that if an older movie doesn’t show up there, I won’t watch it. That’s why I waited so long on Snowpiercer. But Spirited Away is a movie I should see and I feel sorry that I haven’t.
The Godfather Trilogy: Here’s what I know about these movies: Marlon Brando mumbles, there’s a horse’s head in a bed, something about cannoli, Sterling Hayden dies in a restaurant, Al Pacino is in all three, the second one might be the best sequel of all time, and the third one stinks because of Sofia Coppola. Even after going through a fairly heavy 1970s movie phase after seeing Pulp Fiction in 1994, none of these three ever made it into my VCR, and I’ve never bothered to try again. Partly because they’re so long (over nine hours to watch all three), and also because I’ve never really found the mafia all that interesting. Sorry Don Corleone.
The Princess Bride: It’s totally inconceivable that I’ve never watched The Princess Bride. Honestly, I’m somewhat surprised by this as well, with all of the fantasy movies I watched as a kid. Maybe the glut of fantasy movies in the 1980s like Legend and Excalibur pushed this to the side every time my parents took me to rent a movie. It probably didn’t help that those movies had awesome packaging, while The Princess Bride contains two words most boys don’t even care about right in the title.
The DVD is actually less than 10 feet away from me as I write this because my wife has owned a copy since before we started dating. So I will blame her for my continued non-viewing of this movie because one of our first dates should have been watching The Princess Bride instead of The Linguini Incident.
Ferris Bueller’s Day Off: As a child of the 1980s, it’s probably a federal crime that I haven’t seen this movie, yet here we are. I feel like I’ve seen enough clips of it over the years to know what happens: Ferris skips school, he goes on crazy adventures, they take in a Cubs game, he ends up at a parade singing “Twist and Shout,” and Ben Stein repeats his name. That about covers it, no?
It’s probably a movie I’d really enjoy since I generally like John Hughes, but I’ve never taken the time to sit down and watch it. Why? I don’t know, it may have something to do with the fact that I like seeing people my age get borderline offended when they find out I’ve never seen it. I’m a rebel that way.
Avatar: I remember seeing a commercial for Avatar for the first time — the one that premiered during an NFL game — and thinking, “That looks awful, it’s going to be a massive bomb.” Shows what I know.
But I’m sorry, there’s no one that can convince me this movie isn’t absolutely terrible. I’ve seen snippets of it, I’ve tried to sit down and watch it, but I just can’t get through it because it’s so dumb. Maybe it’s better if you see it in 3D, who knows. But the blue people running around, the over-the-top crazy space marines, the “unobtanium” (which, I mean, COME ON), and James Cameron’s decision to hammer you over the head with symbolism all combine to make it unwatchable. I’m convinced this is one of the worst movies ever made that I’ve never seen.
Braveheart: FREEDOM! Yeah, I still haven’t seen it. Well, I’ve seen that scene and know what it means. I just have no interest in seeing Braveheart, probably because it’s a three-hour long movie about the First War of Scottish Independence. (Or so Wikipedia tells me.) I have no issue with long movies — especially at the theater — but for some reason asking for that kind of commitment from me at home is different. It shouldn’t be. On video, I could break the movie up, watch it in installments, etc. But who does that? This isn’t a TV series.
I also look at Braveheart and wonder where I was in my life in 1995. I love movies. The idea of not seeing one of the Best Picture Oscar nominees is unfathomable to me now. And here’s a movie that won Best Picture, with Mel Gibson winning Best Director. Wait — Mel Gibson is a director now? How did I not know that? Between the Mad Max and Lethal Weapon movies, this guy was one of my favorite movie stars. When did I fall asleep? I think missing out on the Braveheart roll strengthened my resolve to be more of a movie fan.
Monty Python and the Holy Grail: Nope, that’s not a typo. (How could six words be a “typo,” anyway? A mistaken cut-and-paste, maybe.) Look, I know. This one wasn’t easy to admit publicly. I could have said Dr. Strangelove, Raising Arizona or Home Alone. But Monty Python and the Holy Grail is the unseen film I have to carry and defend myself against, the one that makes me look down at the floor or leave the room if it comes up in conversation.
I’m not sure how I got through junior high, high school, college and presumed adulthood without having seen this movie. I consider myself a fan and student of comedy, whether it’s stand-up, TV or movies. I’ve just heard too many quotes — “I fart in your general direction,” “It’s just a flesh wound,” and “We are the Knights who say… NI” — far too often from people, especially people I didn’t particularly like. I’ve intentionally avoided parties and special screenings where the movie was showing, so I wouldn’t have to hear every line re-enacted.
You know, I haven’t seen A Fish Called Wanda either. Maybe I subconsciously don’t like John Cleese. Although he was a great Q in Pierce Brosnan’s James Bond movies.
